Saturday, December 31, 2011

The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo

SF: I got bored of the book but I did really like the original movie so my review might be a tad biased. What's up with the odd Bond like intro? Once we are past that it seems to level off ok. The problem with remakes is you already know what's coming and its hard not to do a straightforward copy. Fortunately this does not fall in that gap. Fincher delivers the goods. Can't say I like it more that the previous incarnation but its still a pretty good film. 7.5/10

50 Eggs: I've read the book but didn't see the original film, so I can review this new version without too much prejudice. Happily I can report that it is as perfect an adaptation as I could have imagined. The story is handled extremely well, ejecting some of the more pointless elements of the text, and the cast is spot on. Rooney Mara in particular is superb. 8.5/10

DonkeyB: n/a

Overall: 8/10

Friday, December 23, 2011

Press Release: Announcing the Three Reviews Awards

In order to be eligible films have to have been seen by at least one of the three reviewers, in a cinema between January 1st 2011 and 31st December 2011. Planes, trains, automobiles, oil rigs and boats do not count, even if it was in a cinema on a boat.

Voting will be conducted in private by the Three Reviewers, we aim to make the process as mystical seeming as possible.

The Three Reviewers will be both the nominating and judging committee and reserve the right to make strange, odd and downright bizarre decisions based on personal prejudice, malice towards any other party and in fits of pique.

Nominations will be announced when we get around to it, and the winners will be announced before the Oscars so as to guarentee us maximum publicity.

Note for editors:
The Three Reviewers are three anonymous (sort of) film critics based in multiple UK locations, who go to the cinema.

The Three Reviewers have been reviewing films (in their heads) for a combined approximately 75 years.

Please find above a picture of an award which none of the films will be getting because we are too cheap even for that.

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Sherlock Holmes: Game of Shadows

SF: The intro had me musing as to whether or not this sequel could compete with its predecessor. Sadly I can't say that it does. Plenty of things I liked - lots of action and humour but it lost me in the middle, which can only be a bad thing. Still above average. 6/10

50 Eggs: I couldn't keep up with the finer points of the plot, although that may be because they weren't actually there, I'm not sure. However I liked the film, and I loved the 'brain-off' between the protagonist and his nemesis at the end. Unlike SF, I preferred this to the prequel. 7.5/10

DonkeyB: Much better than the first. It's more of a 19th century Bond film than a detective story. There were far too many sloooooow dooooooown thhhhhhhe actiooooooooon shooooooooots, it becomes tedious quite quickly I found, and I was midly irritated by the "look at the book about horticulture, and here- [look look] dead flowers on the window sill" set-up early on. A kind of Guy Richie way of making his audience feel smart- well they're not smart if they need their food cut up into bite size pieces and their squash served in a sippy cup. I'm going to get in trouble for this being too long. 6/10

Overall - 6.5/10

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

The Thing

SF: I wasn't expecting too much and this didn't raise my expectations. I'm a scaredy cat but found this fine, not scary at all in fact. Though I didn't get bored so that is in its favour but its still lacking that extra thing a good monster movie needs. I came out wishing I stayed home and watched Alien. 4/10

50 Eggs: n/a

DonkeyB: Well I had impossibly low expectations that this failed to meet. Just utterly pointless. When the biggest jump comes from someone saying boo the film is not scary. A note to Kicky McKickerson and partner; you did not enhance my viewing pleasure by kicking the back of my seat. 3/10

Overall - 3.5/10

Another Earth

SF: This is the sort of incidental Sci-fi that is either really good or really painful. Luckily I liked this. Given the story the tone wasn't depressing (as I expected) and the characters were well portrayed. Cinematography extra extra points for subtlety and beauty. 6/10

50 Eggs: n/a

DonkeyB: Like all the best Sci-fi this film isn't about the science fiction. This one is about guilt, redemption and forgiveness. I liked it. 7/10

Overall - 6.5/10

Wednesday, December 7, 2011


SF: This film was hard work. I was looking forward to a nice kids movie, something easy. Alas no, it lacked any real direction, some of character motivations made no sense and it was far too long. There would be a glimmer of hope and then boredom ensued. I like clockwork and adore old school railway station - this was all that kept me going. Also was that Johnny Depp or a look-a-like I spied in the band? 4.5/10

50 Eggs: Oh now this is just drivel. I feel conned by the so called 'critics' handing out 5 stars for this unholy turd. Okay so it looks pretty, but it was boring, I haven't a clue what it was about and nor am I  interested in finding out. 3/10

DonkeyB: Borat as the Station Master is staggaringly miscast. Is he playing a man with a war wound for laughs? Is he supposed to be scary? The little boy is creepy, the girl is F annoying. If this is the best that 3D can be then everyone should just agree it is pointless and never ever do it again. I'm pretty sure I know what it's about but I didn't really care. I love old cinema and film history so those bits were the only redeeming features although I think for most people they would have been boring. 5/10

Overall - 4.33/10