Saturday, April 27, 2013

Iron Man 3

SF: It is no Iron Man 1 but it had plenty of good points, comic nods, surprises and does well to keep the continuity of the previous marvel movies going. The visual effects are as ever brilliant, the story takes cues from the Extremis story (which can only be a good thing), so worked on the whole (I might have liked it to be more faithful). The only problem is that this one just didn't have that spark you expect from super hero films. Also Pepper Potts gets more annoying as these go on. It's still good and fans are likely to enjoy it, but something was missing and I don't just mean the lack of AC/DC on the soundtrack 6.5/10

50 Eggs: Iron Man 2 was fairly awful, serving no discernible purpose other than to staple together this series with the other 'Avengers' films. Iron Man 3 is better, but it's still a disappointment. The plot is nothing special, the bad guy is dull, and there is little in the way of peril. The last half hour contains the best action of all three films though. I'm getting tired of these Marvel films now...I'm putting all my chips on DCs 'Man of Steel'. 6/10

DonkeyB: I have nothing very interesting to say about Iron Man 3. If you liked the first 2 you'll like this one too. Better than 2, worse than 1 and Avengers Assemble. Ben Kingsley is both funny and a reasonably clever plot point for the comic book fans (SF assures me this is true). However if you've seen his Watson to Michael Caine's Holmes in 'Without a Clue' then you may have some idea what is going on with his Mandarin. Robert Downey Jr has made Tony stark one of the more amusing super heroes to spend two hours with every other year, but at some point don't all these overlapping story arcs and characters start to eat each other? At some point we will all get bored of complaining that they keep making these films too long and baggy in the middle, but I feel duty now to point out that it is. 6.5/10

Overall: 6.33/10

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Olympus Has Fallen

SF: Once this gets going there are non-stop explosions, shooting and madness. It is truly ludicrous. Which is why I found it so funny. Antoine Fuqua, is a baffling director, sometime he does great films and then other time you get films like this. The only way it could have been improved was if Gerrad Butler occasionally winked at the camera. How they got Angela Bassett to be in this, I've no idea. It has more plot flaws than I have time to moan about but it wasn't horrific. Just not so bad it was good. I think this was trying to be Die Hard meets Air Force One but fails to be anywhere near as good as either. 4/10

50Eggs: Super low expectations saved the day here as I actually really enjoyed this. The taking of the White House is staged very well and comes within a whisker of being believable, especially as it doesn't shy away from being brutal. That brutality is a running theme that you wouldn't normally see in a popcorn flick so big tick for that. I also really liked the story when it was heading in a 'North Korea are not as crazy as you think' direction...although without spoiling it that feeling faded before the end. 7.5/10

DB: So bad it's bad. Preposterous from start to finish. A terrorist plot based on everyone who works at the top of American government to be not just stupid, but lilly-livered surrender monkeys. If someone captures the President and holds him hostage for information to destroy the country, anyone of sound mind would respond to threats to the Whitehouse building and the person of the President with; "fuck it, they're called symbols for a reason. If we have to we'll kill them ourselves to protect everyone else." Anyone who thinks any different is deluding themselves. 2/10

Overall: 3/10

Friday, April 19, 2013

Project Jen - The Break Up

Or "Break - The Up", as LoveFilm labels it.

There is absolutely no reason for this film to exist, it is utterly pointless, I didn't even sense that the sides of my mouth might be nearly about to turn up. It is not funny at all.

One issue I have with this film is, I like A-Capella singing (well I liked Pitch Perfect), Modern Art and baseball.  The film seems to be saying that these interests are mutually exclusive which is the main reason the protagonists break up.

Jason Bateman makes an appearance, so perhaps this film exists solely to help complete the 2 degrees of separation Jennifer Aniston project, which could become a spin off.

Besides that nothing of note happens in this film.

On the plus side Vince Vaughn is perfectly cast as the irritating motor-mouth oaf Jen is eventually glad to be rid of.

I think the "twist" is that it's a romantic comedy about two people who break up, and they do break up.
They don't break up and get back together at the end, which I guess most of the target audience are expecting.

They end the movie literally walking off in different directions and are happy with it.

I know I ruined the ending, but if revealing that puts you off seeing the film I've done you a favour.

RATING: 1 Green Dress

Friday, April 12, 2013


SF: This was a long and tedious waste of time. I would really advise you not to bother if you have anything better to do such as cleaning your fridge.  The Special effects and cinematography were lovely which are only positive things I've been able to think of. 3/10

50 Eggs: n/a

DonkeyB: I thought it looked stunning, apparently they used some new experimental cameras or something: you could see the difference. We saw a 2D version, if you will insist on seeing this I think it would be worth paying to see a 2D IMAX print (if such a thing exists) because as SF says the visuals are the only thing of any interest here. From start to finish the plot feels derivative, watching the film would perhaps be very enjoyable at home on DVD with a group of film fans and an i-Spy book of Sci-fi and post apocalypse films. In the cinema I had the constant feeling of "oh, we're doing that now are we?". It is really quite long and quite boring. 4/10

Overall: 3.5/10

Monday, April 8, 2013

Project Jen- Sky Advert

Shadow falcon suggested I review Ms Aniston's advert appearances in the cinema this week. I wasn't really aware what she was alluding to, in my mind if you mention Jen and adverts I think shampoo. However, while watching the football this evening I encountered a new Jen advert and one to which I assume SF was referring, it is for a popular provider of satellite television broadcasting and Internet and telephony services, specifically their service to ease the frustratingly difficult process of changing your Internet provider.

I hate adverts- I have nothing much to say about the ad itself, other than that it is slightly stupid and the creative idea behind it appears to be; we can get Jennifer Aniston to be in out advert, it doesn't really matter what else happens in it, once everyone sees her they will automatically use our service. Apart from Jen being in it, it is totally unmemorable.

Demand more from your Jennifer Aniston film reviewer.

Demand more from third rate television actresses who try to launch a movie career.

Friday, April 5, 2013

Project Jen- Rumour Has It

Normally here at 3-4-1 we don't discuss the plot of the films we review very much. This is because we know that everyone hates spoilers. However, the "plot"of this film does require some reference.

The idea is that Jen's family in this film, is the real family that the "The Graduate" was based on, and that the real Benjamin might be her real Dad. It has a pleasing possibility of intricate plotting and classic movie references. Also it is directed by Rob Reiner and scripted by the person who wrote Ocean's Eleven so it should be great fun.

There are a few things everyone knows about the Graduate - like the fact that Robert Redford was originally cast as Benjamin but turned the part down because he thought he was too old, only to be replaced by Dustin Hoffman who was in fact even older. To add to the irony, Anne Bancroft who was supposed to be old enough to be Hoffman's mother was actually only a few years older than him.

Here's something I bet you wont have realised though, Jennifer Aniston was exactly the same age when she made this film as Anne Bancroft was when she made The Graduate! For the record if you look it up Kevin Costner was 12 when The Graduate was released.

Background established sadly the film isn't very good. At the start there is something very father of the bride about the scene when Jen arrives back at the family home. In fact it takes a while to really go anywhere and on the whole it doesn't amount to much.

There is a developing theme with all these Project Jen films (a never ending parade of rom-coms). If there is anything funny happening, it happens around Jen, she is rarely even called on to try and be funny. I think its possible she is not very good at comedy!

Jen wears a short nightie in dark blue, very nice. In fact the costume designer did a pretty good job throughout the film. She deserves a name check and an IMDB link. Kym Barrett. Also at one point in the film someone suggests that Jen has nice hair and she should be a hair model - I've seen a number of her films now and I'm tempted to agree.

If you have two hours, watch the Graduate instead

Rating: 2 Green Dresses